i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
