Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
