Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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