im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
