I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
