Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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