i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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