I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
