I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She needs sedatives and a leash
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
