I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My balls are so social today.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
