so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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