He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I had to cum in my sink.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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