What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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