just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
