he wants to bone in the snuggie
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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