Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My dick has a subreddit
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
