SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
