she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
