there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize