You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
