watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
