you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
