Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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