Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
