her vagine was all disorganized.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
