I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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