Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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