so that wasnt chicken after all
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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