his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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