Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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