I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
