I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
