don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
