He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
