You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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