what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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