he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
