I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
