Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
