He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
