I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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