I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
