i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
