11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
