If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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