Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
