remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
