Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
