A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
