I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
