It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
