Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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