Don't you send me to vm
so that wasnt chicken after all
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
