I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
