i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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