Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
