How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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