thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
