I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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