I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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