are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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