She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
