Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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