I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
