Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
