it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
