They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
