Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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