Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
