my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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