And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize