all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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