and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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